Welcome to Week 1! Prepare to get stomped.

While Kevin prepares to get smacked around like a bitch this season (see Figure A), I'd like to congratulate everyone for sharing some fantastic porn on draft day. Well done, gentlemen.

(Figure A: In this video, Kevin is represented by the green haired woman. This week, Captain Kirk represents Will. Will, please stop kissing Kevin.)

In another highly anticipated matchup this week, Chris "Who the fuck is Chris Neal" Neal takes on The Moose. Figure B illustrates one of the horrible creatures that will haunt the dreams of the Oxford Landfill on Tuesday.

(Figure B: Dream haunter, badass, samurai)

In a surprise move, ESPN has picked Chad, who didn't even sign into the draft, to beat Greg. Yeah, I guess his draft was that bad. Greg, I hope that these crazy moves by William Cleary will cheer you up a bit.

(Figure C: Treasury Secretary William Cleary)

Next up, little Matt takes on the Star of David. Given Mike's history, I expect he'll get off to a strong start, but finish the weekend with a disappointing loss. I'm preparing pack of German Shepherds to go on a bone-finding mission early next week.

(Figure D: Mike on Sunday afternoon. You have no idea how much Ironman footage I watched to find this.)

In "who cares?" category, we have the battle of the Matts. One wins, one loses, both cry when they lose in the first round of the playoffs.

(Figure E: I'm going to watch this instead of paying attention to the Matt vs. Matt matchup.)

Finally, Hodel vs. Garvey. All I have to say is, I found the guy who gave Hodel AIDS. Garvey, make sure he wears a rubber before he fucks you.

(Figure F: The best Wheel of Fortune contestent ever, and the guy who gave Hodel AIDS.)

Draft order is set! Begin trading.

UPDATE: The draft order video is on YouTube:

Matt and I picked the draft order last night. It was randomly drawn from a hat, and I have a video of the event. I'll get that up tonight, if possible. Here are the results:

1. Matt Horvath
   
2. Greg Bartley
   
3. Will Fleisher
   
4. Chris Neal
   
5. Mike Weinstein
   
6. Chris Weisel
   
7. Matt Sikich
   
8. Kevin Albertson
   
9. Kevin Garvey
   
10. Ryan Horvath
    
11. Chad Runtz
    
12. Scott Hodel
    

You can trade draft picks. Here is how that works:

DRAFT PICK TRADING

Custom League can make trades involving draft picks. These types of transactions can only take place prior to the Keeper deadline for Custom Leagues. Trades can be made involving exchanges of draft picks only, or trading some combination of player(s) and draft picks. It is important to note that you are trading for an owner's pick in a given round, and there is no assurance that the overall slot will remain the same.

For example, you trade your first round pick (2nd overall for Team A) for another owner's first round pick (5th overall for Team B) and fifth round pick (Team B) . Following processing of the trade, if the League Manager manipulates the initial draft order and Team B now has the 8th pick overall, that is the pick that you will end up receiving (not the 5th overall pick). It would then be your responsibility to discuss this matter with your League Manager.

If you trade and receive a net total of draft picks greater than the number of rounds in the draft (example: you have 12 draft picks after trading and the draft runs for 10 rounds), then the draft will end and you will not acquire any players following the pick in which you complete your roster maximum. For this example, after 10 picks (no matter what round) your draft would end. You will be able to watch the draft process but when it reaches your selection you will be skipped over and no players will be added to your team.

Matt has stated he wants to trade away his number 1 pick. So make a good offer.

We're doing a traditional draft! Draft order coming soon!

Thunderstruck Draft Day 2009 is almost here (Sunday at 2pm if you haven't been paying attention). I'm going to draw the draft order in the next couple of days. I even promise to record a video and post it here so you bastards don't think I cheated (not that I need to).

We're doing a traditional draft. Fleisher is the only one with a compelling argument against doing an auction format this year (see his comment below), but the irrational feelings of the traditionalists are much stronger than the auctionalists (I can make up words if I want, I'm the Commish), so auction is out this year.

In order to compensate for the boring draft format, porn will be shared with the group, and Albertson will try to fight somebody and lose. I'll try to get a video of that.

I'm sure nobody noticed, but the division names are different. As part of the draft, I'm going to re-assign teams to divisions. The person with the first draft pick will go on Alien, the next 2 picks will be Predator, next 2 are Alien, etc., with the final pick going on Alien to balance things out. Then the season schedule will be reset. Everybody should play everybody once, and 1 person twice, if I don't suck at math.

For playoffs, I've made them 4 weeks long and everybody is in, with the top 4 teams getting a bye in round 1. Playoff seeds will go like this: Top 2 from each division go into the top 4 seeds, based on regular season record, with division record being the first tie breaker, followed by points scored, followed by a coin toss. The other 8 teams go into the other slots following the same rules.

This seems like a lot of work and rules, when I'm going to win anyway, but this way maybe you'll feel like I gave you a chance.

Welcome to Thunderstruck 2009!

Welcome back. I'm looking forward to pounding on all of your teams this season, after the buttrape I got last year.

Changes to the league from 2008:

• I removed 1 RB and 1 WR starting slot, and replaced them with a second RB/WR slot and a WR/TE slot. This means you can play 1 RB and 4 WR, if you hate winning. Or you can play 2 TEs, if your draft sucks that much. You're still limited to 4 RBs, 4 WRs, and 2 TEs on your roster. Why? Because I said so.
  
• After the draft, you can only pick up 7 players from FA/Waivers during the season. After that, you have to trade. I'm trying to force people to trade here. Last year, the limit was 15, and there were still no trades. The most anybody moved was 11, and the average was less than 5 (less than 7 if you throw out the 3 people who didn't make any moves). This means you might have to have somebody else pick up a player then you can trade for them.
  
• I'm doing a quick poll: auction draft or regular draft? I like the auction format, which we used last year. I think it's fair and it keeps everyone interested for the first few rounds, instead of making a pick then leaving and missing your next one. Take the poll to the right.
  
• After a couple of successful years, the divisions have been re-organized. This year's theme is now Alien vs. Predator, and the divisions are going to be mixed up.
  
• The playoffs have been extended to 4 weeks, and all 12 teams will be in this year. The top 4 teams get a bye in playoff week 1.
  

In closing,

I hope all the bad things in life happen to you, and nobody else but you.